Infant Awareness Class and Openness in Adoption

This was a busy weekend for Ross and me. Friday we went to the LWML conference in Meridian, Idaho (20 mins away from our home). We were happy that it was that close so we were able to attend the conference and go to our Infant Awareness Class. Saturday from 9am - 4pm we had our class and then we went back to the conference. We ended the conference today with a beautiful church service where Ross was installed as the District Pastoral Counselor of the Utah-Idaho LWML. I would say that we had a fun and busy weekend. It was more mind numbing than physically straining. 

Friday I was really bitter about going to the Infant Awareness Class. To me it didn't make sense that anyone can have a baby and doesn't have to go through a class, but here we are having to sit through a 7 hour class on how to raise an infant. When we went to bed on Friday we prayed that our attitude toward the class would change and that we would soak up as much information we could while in the class. 

Saturday morning we drove to A New Beginning Adoption Agency for our class. Before we got out of the car we said a prayer asking God to be with us today and help us to learn something new during our class. The class was so much better than either of us thought. It actually was a helpful class! 

We received a lot of information about the adoption process. It was very detailed. They had the agency's lawyer come in and talk to us about the rights of the birthparents and the adoptive parents. An interesting fact for us is that our name will not be on the birth certificate until the adoption is finalized around 6-8 months after we have custody. Our baby will not have our last name until everything is finalized. What happens if the birth mom puts a totally different name on the birth certificate than we want. I guess we have 6-8 months to figure out a name... haha. We can try them all out. So, once we get our baby, suggestions will be welcomed. :-) One comforting fact that we learned is once the birthparents have gone in front of the magistrate judge, the judge decides that they are voluntarily giving up there rights to the child and all the papers are signed, the birthparents cannot reverse their decision. This usually takes place within 1-3 weeks after birth. Then the adoption agency is the legal guardians of the child until the adoption is finalized 6-8 months after birth. During the 6-8 months the case work will come to our home and check everything out to make sure the baby is thriving in a safe loving environment. Then after 2 or 3 visits they sign off on the adoption. Once that is done then we go in front of the judge to finalized the adoption and our names will be on the adoption birth certificate and then we can get a social security number for our baby. I think that day will be the biggest celebration ever! 

A New Beginning Adoption Agency only has open adoptions. If you don't know what open adoption is I will explain it... it is having communication with the birthparents after the baby is born. There are different levels of openness. The less open adoption is a letter twice a year that is sent to the adoption agency and the birthparents have the choice to pick the letter up. More open adoptions can include sending gifts, visits once or twice a year, to very open adoptions where they see the birthparents every week. Right now Ross and I are comfortable with sending letters the the agency twice a year. At the class there was a panel with adopted parents, birthmothers, and a 40 year old man who was adopted at birth. All really pushed for completely open adoption and having a great relationship with the birthparents. We did notice that all of the panel members (except the 40 year old man) had babies that were a year old or younger. It would be interesting to see how everything is years from now. One think that bothers me is the jealousy of the birth-moms. One of the birth-moms was having a hard time because the adoptive parents were in the process of adopting another child. She didn't want to lose her relationship with the adoptive parents. Another one said that she was happy that the adoptive parents are not adopting again and that her baby will be the only baby they have. That whole concept of jealous birthparents bothers us. Giving your baby up for adoption is one of the most selfless acts and I don't know how I would be able to thank someone for choosing Ross and me as parents for their baby's parents. We just don't want to try and please all of the birthparents. We want to comfort them, but most importantly be tentative, loving christian parents. 

When we get picked by birthparents we will discuss openness. We will keep our home and last name secret. We will meet in public. They say that when you open your home to the birthparents it is hard to close the door. Openness is something to think about, but we do not have to decide until the time comes. 

Often the adoptive parents are in the hospital at the time of birth, sometimes in the room.  That apparently can be a very stressful and hectic time. One thing the social workers said is good is when the birth-mother cry and break down. Apparently, we all want that to happen in the hospital. If it doesn't happen in the hospital then it will happen later and we do not want it to happen later. That is really good information to have, so we will be prepared and won't be freaking out if it happens in the hospital.

One thing they said is the hardest part of adoption is the wait. I think it is my faith or my ignorance because I am actually looking forward for the wait. At that point it is completely out of mine and Ross' hands. We have no control at that point. We get to look for scholarships and grants, enjoy our time together and sleep. It is all in God's hands. Who knows what might happen when I am actually in the waiting period. I might be one of those calling all the agency every time... who knows, but right now I am excited for that time. Maybe it is the calm before the storm. 

One more reason why I like A New Beginning... The "Infant Specialist Social Worker" quoted from one of my favorite book by my favorite author:

Excerpt from Oh, The Places You'll go! By Dr. Seuss

"The Waiting Place... for people just waiting. 

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for a Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting."

Of course this is just part of the book and it gets really happy and positive and is a great book. It is very uplifting and fun, but the comfort that I find doesn't come from Dr. Seuss it comes from Ross' and mine favorite book... The Bible.

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths."

Proverbs 3:5-6

All of our strength comes for our Lord and Savior! Praise God! 

Thanks for Reading!

Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork

So don't get me wrong... I am willing to answer question after question on the adoption forms and am super excited, but I think these questions are redundant! I answer the same question 10 times, but each time formulated a little different. We are educated people... do they think we won't answer the same on all? Another thing... Is raising an adopted child completely different than raising an other child? Ross and I have been getting a little frustrated by some of the questions they are asking. We feel that all children are children. Each child is an individual whether they are adopted or not. Some of the questions make us feel like they don't think that raising an adopted child is like raising any other child. Here are some of the questions:

1. What differences are you aware of in parenting an adopted child, and how will you address these issues?
2. Describe when and how you will discuss your child’s adoption with your adopted child.
3. Are you aware of the potential or the child to have feelings of loss regarding separation from birth parents, regardless of the child’s circumstance or age?
4. Adoption is a life-long developmental process and commitment.  Describe your feelings regarding this.- So... if you give birth to your child do you not have to make a life-long commitment to your child?
5. What is the importance of educating yourselves (and your children) on adoption issues, and how do you plan to continue education on these issues after placement?

These are definitely valuable questions, but maybe Ross and I are totally off. We will always tell our children that they are adopted. We will give them as much information about there birthparents that we have. We are going to love our child just like they came from us. They will be no different from any other child. 

Also, as we are filling out our paper work we got to thinking. Please say a prayer for us. We know that God will provide the funds need to adopt our child, but we are concerned that the agency might not accept our home study because of our finical report. Maybe we have nothing to worry about, but when you have to write out all of your bills, your taxes, your assets, your income, your life insurance information, your retirement policies, and all of your bank account information you become a little insecure. We have so much faith and know that our Heavenly Father is in charge. We just need to give it all to Him.  

Shoot... Ross just reminded me that we have to attach a resume to all of the forms. Ok... back to the forms. We hope to have all of our forms in by the end of the week. 

The Process... 

So, it has been awhile since I last updated the blog. Ross and I had our first home study meeting. Our case worker aka "adoption specialist" Christy Frans is really nice and is all business. We went through a ton of paperwork. The stack of papers that we signed and she talked about was at least an inch thick. We left the meeting understanding the adoption process better and prepared for the next step of the process. It was a little overwhelming, but nothing we couldn't handle.

I was super excited when I got home, so I logged on the A New Beginning website to look at the forms that we have to complete before our second home study visit. I quickly became overwhelmed. I had no idea how much is involved. Christy must have thought I was nuts when I was talking to her in our first visit because I was planning on having our forms turned back into her in a week. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from getting my measly little forms completed. After looking through the forms, my head hurt. There was so much on there that I never thought about. Questions about children with disabilities and what we are willing to adopt. Would you adopt a baby with club foot? A down syndrome baby? A drug baby? A pot smoking father? Tons of these questions. Ross and I quickly decided that we need to go through the forms together. I think that any couple should go through some of these questions before having children. You can never be too prepared.

Since it was the season of Lent and now the Easter season, Ross has been insanely busy. I have also been going crazy with youth events and who knows what else I do. We have not been able to sit and fill out the forms. We have done individual forms, but have not had time to sit and get everything together and finished. Awesome members of the church are letting Ross and I borrow their condo in Sun Valley for a couple of days. Most couples would go and sight see and other vacation activities. Ross and I are excited to be able to finally sit down and get our adoption forms complete. It gives us a time to relax and talk. Something that we have not been able to do for awhile. I know what you are thinking... "Just wait until you have kids... it is only going to get worse". I am sure you are right. Being at a bigger church has really kept us both busy. 

I am ready for our trip... ok, so I am not packed and have not made food to take with us, but I am mentally ready.

One side note- Ross and I have talked about things like... we want to make our own baby food and use non-disposible diapers. We understand that I will probably be the mean parent (I am just the mean one in general). We have also decided that we do not want to fill our house with a ton of baby things. We also do not want a baby shower until after the birth mom has signed away her rights, which is usually a week after the baby is born. We think it would be too hard on us if we have a full room prepared and the baby removed from our home. We might change our minds on this later, but for now this is how we feel. We can get a baby room together after the baby is born. A bassinet is a great place for a baby to sleep for awhile. Also, we will have visits from our "adoption specialist" after the baby is placed in our home until the adoption is finalized. We want to make sure our baby items are within the law. There was a huge change in the crib law last summer, so we need to make sure we meet the standards. One thing we have talked about getting and I went ahead and ordered from Totsy.com are non-disposible diapers. They come on Friday. I am so excited to get them. Diapers are something that every child needs. We felt that since we want to go the non-disposible route and they get really expensive when you first get them, that we can spread out the cost. We probably won't use them until we start getting solid poop. I just threw in that last sentence because I felt like it. :-)

Now I have written a ton and should probably be baking some muffins and packing for the trip. 

PS- if you think we are crazy for using non-disposible diapers then you probably have not seen the new non-disposible diapers. When Ross told me that our brother and sister-in-law were using them with their daughter, I thought they were insane. I was wrong. They are so much cooler now! I will have to post a picture when the arrive.

Have a WONDERFUL day!