Long Long Over Due!!

I am terrible at keeping up on our blog. We finally got our book done and turned into the agency. It took a long time to put our book together. Once we had our rough daft done we sent it to my sister Shandee to comb it with a fine toothed comb. She sent revisions back. We made corrections and then we sent it to the agency for review. They sent revisions and suggestions back. We made all of the corrections, sent it to Shandee, she sent it back, and then we finally sent it back to the agency and they liked it and said that we can print and submit our books. We bought pretty paper, 5 plastic 3-ringed folders, and page protector sheets. We printed 5 copies and drove them to the agency. 

This summer Ross had gotten a present from our church, Zion, for his ordination anniversary. The gift was put in a wonderful bag. I put our books in that bag to give to the agency. The bag was a gift bag that said "Every Good and Perfect Gift is from Above" James 1;17. How appropriate? Makes me tear up just thinking about that verse. 

When we walked out the door of the agency tears just rolled down my face. Tears of relief, joy, happiness, and love. The love that I have in our Lord and Savior and the love that I have for my wonderful husband. When we got in the car, tears still coming, Ross said "I love you and thank you for being my wife and for all that you did to put our book together. I was thinking we should go to P.F. Changs for lunch". That just brought more tears. I love P.F. Changs! This whole process has brought all kinds of tears and overall I think has brought Ross and I even closer.

Ross and I are open to sharing our book with others. The one thing we ask is no criticism. If there is an error or something you think we should have done different, please keep it to your self. I don't think I can attach our book to our blog, so if you would like to see it, I can send it to you through email. 

I do have more to write, but I need to go. So I will try and get on again tomorrow to catch everyone up to date.

Why do we stress over the little things?

So we had our third and final adoption meeting. This meeting was the one that Ross and I worried the most about. When we were first told about the third appointment, our caseworker said that we will be separated for individual interviews. Even though Ross and I are on the same page, we were still a little nervous that our answers might be completely different. With guidance from Ross' brother Mark we looked up potential questions online and talked about our answers. We wanted to be as prepared for the unknown as we could. 

Our appointment was at 11 and we arrived at the agency a little before our appointment. Our caseworker called us to our office and started talking about open adoption and wanting us to clarify how open we want our adoption. She said that birthparents are more likely to view our profile if we are more opened than closed. After we talked about that, another case worker (Cara) came in and talked to us about what open adoption usually looks like. Cara works with the placement part of the adoption. She is the one that sends the books out and works with the birthparents. Ross and I want as much information about our child's birthparents as possible. We want to share all that we know with our child. It is important for us that our child know how loved they were by their biological parents and that they relinquished their rights out of love.

After Cara was done we talked more about open adoption. By this time I was getting hungry and ready for the individual interview and the appointment to be over. I was getting grouchy, but made sure that I did not show my mood. Finally we changed subjects and Christy started looking through the autobiography part of our form. She went through my forms first and asked a few clarifying questions. Then she went through Ross' and asked him clarifying questions. We were in the room together the whole time. After the individualized questions she filled out a small form. We looked it over and agreed that all the information was correct. Then we were done. The appointment went over 2 hours and we were exhausted and hungry. 

I had so much stress built up for this appointment that when I got home I crashed on the couch. My body was exhausted and my mind was fried! 

Looking back it was not worth the worry and the stress. The unknown is the hardest part. This whole process is about the unknown. Ross and I have no control. All we can do is put our trust and faith in God. Why stress the small stuff? It is in God's hands!

New issue with "THE BOOK"

I am writing too much! I am writing a whole autobiography. There is going to be some major cutting to my letter. 

How do you tell birthparents all about you in a letter? I want them to see how much our family and friends mean to us without saying... Our family and friends are very important to us. How do we tell them that God is #1 in our life without coming across as being braggy Christians? We don't want to birthparents to feel that we will be judging them because we are Christian. We want to show them that God loves them and so do we. 

Other adopting couples will probably say the same thing in their letter... example- we love our family and friends, we go to church every Sunday, we love kids, we are good people...lalala

I don't want the letter to be so serious that it is boring! I want my personality to come though. 

We want to stand out. How do we stand out? Suggestions are welcomed! 

Third time's a charm!

I haven't posted for a little over a month. Life seems to get in the way. It is funny how that happens. Ross and I had our second home study visit. We were able to meet with Christie right before I left for California. She came in on her day off to meet with us. We were so thankful for her that we brought a fruit basket... ok... maybe I should say I brought a fruit basket. Ross thanked me for doing it, but didn't care either way. 

We had a great second appointment with Christie. We were able to really go through all of our paper work and talk through it with her. She had a few clarifying questions and so did we. One thing that she told us was that all of the paper work is changing. She said that as it is now, it is too complicated. We agreed with her and told her that if she wants us to look over it before finalizing them we would. There were so many grammatical and formatting errors that it became aggravating. Not to mention the repetition of the questions.

The appointment came to a close and I asked about making our last home study appointment. Christie said that Teresa would call us to schedule the appointment as soon as our child abuse background checks have been received from previous states of residency. She said California usually takes awhile, but the agency is not able to contact anyone to hurry the process along, but we can contact the state health and welfare to ask them to hurry. I asked if there was a particular number or person to call. Christie said... there should have been contact information on the form you submitted to the states. OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH.... Key word being YOU. We had no idea that we were in charge of sending something to California and Missouri. We took care of the Idaho part and thought that it was then a nation wide search or they sent something to past states of residency. One more thing we now know for next time. This is when the third time's a charm comes in... We went back home, filled out the appropriate forms, and then submitted the last form for our home study. Three tries it took us to get all of the forms done for the home study. On the bright side we are much more prepared for next time and we are FINALLY done with all of the forms!

A week ago I was on my way to Oregon with my in-laws when I received a much anticipated phone call... OUR BACKGROUND CHECKS HAD BEEN RECEIVED! YAY... they were also clean! We knew they would be though. Now was another hurdle... scheduling our third and final visit. In between trips and appointment openings we didn't think we were going to be able to get an appointment until the end of July. Well, that's no good, so what do we do? Reschedule a trip. We moved our California trip back and have our appointment July 10th. The day before our 3 year anniversary.

Apparently, things have once again changed at the agency. We were told that our third appointment would be at our house and the house would be checked out at the same time. Now that has changed. We have our third appointment in the office. This is where they separate us and talk to us individually. I have no idea what they are going to ask us. Ross and I are on the same page with raising a child and adoption, so it shouldn't be too difficult. I am sure that I will be a little nervous though.

The actual home visit is apparently a 15min walk through where they check our house for safety hazards. Since our house was built in 1947 we are a little apprehensive about the visit, but have had amazing church friends fix troubled areas. We were told that we just need someone to come and open the house to let Christie in, but Ross and I would really like to be around for the visit to help explain some of the house.

I am ready for the home study to be done and our book turned in and viewed. They said the home study usually takes 2-4 months. We started the end of February. My goal is to have the home study complete by the end of July. That includes our profile book.

I am, in some ways, dreading the profile book. The book (which is what we call it) contains a letter from both Ross and me to the birthparents and pictures with brief explanations. The book is what the birthparents use to pick you. You don't want the book to say too little or too much. I think the Dear Birthparents letter is the one thing I am most dreading about the book. How do you tell someone that what they are doing is the most selfless thing that anyone can do. They are looking past themselves and looking for the benefit of the child. How do you tell someone that you would be the perfect couple to raise their child? To be the parents that they can't be? I am not a writer. Actually, I have a hard time even getting thoughts into words. We will see how it goes. I am starting a brainstorm sheet where I write ideas that I want to get across.

Last night I received a WONDERFUL phone call. Some one very important to me is pregnant! I am so happy for her and her husband. We have always wanted to have kids together and it is looking very promising.

This picture will probably be the cover of our book. Our friend might take more pictures. Not sure yet. 

Ok... off to brainstorm for the book! 

We did it... for real this time!

We turned in all of our home study papers a few weeks back, but upon further review we were missing a few items. The papers that we were missing were not on the check list of items to turn in, so we were unaware that we had to turn them into the agency. Well, it doesn't matter. We turned them in yesterday! YAY! It was a pretty exciting day. The receptionist (I think that is her title) said that she would call us later to set up an appointment for our second visit. She didn't call yesterday like she said she would, so we are still waiting. Only 4 references were in and one was turned in a few hours after we turned our papers in and we know that the 6th one was mailed last Monday. She might be waiting until all 6 are turned in before setting up the next appointment. I am not sure what this next appointment entails, but I know the 3rd appointment is the big one where she comes out to the house. My WONDERFUL friend Selena already said that she would come over and help me prepare for the home visit. We are really blessed to have such amazing people in our life! God has truly blessed us!

We really appreciate all of the support and comments. Thank you for reading and praying for us during our journey!

We Did It!!!

We finally finished and turned in our home study papers. The forms are a huge part of the process and after a couple of months we are done with them and have them turned into the agency. We are so excited and ready for the next step. We have another in-agency visit with our social worker and then the home visit. The next in-agency visit will take place after all of our references are received. After we have the home visit we will be working on our profile book... we are already starting it.. while they process our home study. The book is key! It is what the birth parents look at to pick a family for their child.  There is a class that Ross and I are going to take to help us prepare our book. The class goes through what birthparents look for and their perception of the pictures, statements, and letters in the book. It also helps you be prepared for an "interview" or first meeting with the birth parents. 

Part of our home study we had to read a number of articles. One stood out to me that I thought that I would type it out for you to read.

Adoption Can Be A Long Journey With A Wonderful Destination

Article By: Diane Armitage

Her message is directed to childless couples who are considering adoption. (Diane and her husband are the parents of two adopted children)

Different Trips to the Same Place

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place; you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding the planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait and wait and wait. 

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon."Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat. 

"By Boat!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decided to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many moths over rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling at each trip. 

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not the way you get there, but in the place itself.

From Dear Abby- 1995 Universal Press Syndicate

We are just starting to board our boat. We know that the waters may be rough, but through everything we have the calmer of the storm. God is with us every step and no matter what happens or how we get there we pray that we are able to see God's beauty. 

We are a huge step closer and I don't think we would have gotten this step done without the love and support of our family and friends.

I want to say thank you for reading our blog. We have had a number of people view our page. Please feel free to write comments. They are encouraging to us! 

Infant Awareness Class and Openness in Adoption

This was a busy weekend for Ross and me. Friday we went to the LWML conference in Meridian, Idaho (20 mins away from our home). We were happy that it was that close so we were able to attend the conference and go to our Infant Awareness Class. Saturday from 9am - 4pm we had our class and then we went back to the conference. We ended the conference today with a beautiful church service where Ross was installed as the District Pastoral Counselor of the Utah-Idaho LWML. I would say that we had a fun and busy weekend. It was more mind numbing than physically straining. 

Friday I was really bitter about going to the Infant Awareness Class. To me it didn't make sense that anyone can have a baby and doesn't have to go through a class, but here we are having to sit through a 7 hour class on how to raise an infant. When we went to bed on Friday we prayed that our attitude toward the class would change and that we would soak up as much information we could while in the class. 

Saturday morning we drove to A New Beginning Adoption Agency for our class. Before we got out of the car we said a prayer asking God to be with us today and help us to learn something new during our class. The class was so much better than either of us thought. It actually was a helpful class! 

We received a lot of information about the adoption process. It was very detailed. They had the agency's lawyer come in and talk to us about the rights of the birthparents and the adoptive parents. An interesting fact for us is that our name will not be on the birth certificate until the adoption is finalized around 6-8 months after we have custody. Our baby will not have our last name until everything is finalized. What happens if the birth mom puts a totally different name on the birth certificate than we want. I guess we have 6-8 months to figure out a name... haha. We can try them all out. So, once we get our baby, suggestions will be welcomed. :-) One comforting fact that we learned is once the birthparents have gone in front of the magistrate judge, the judge decides that they are voluntarily giving up there rights to the child and all the papers are signed, the birthparents cannot reverse their decision. This usually takes place within 1-3 weeks after birth. Then the adoption agency is the legal guardians of the child until the adoption is finalized 6-8 months after birth. During the 6-8 months the case work will come to our home and check everything out to make sure the baby is thriving in a safe loving environment. Then after 2 or 3 visits they sign off on the adoption. Once that is done then we go in front of the judge to finalized the adoption and our names will be on the adoption birth certificate and then we can get a social security number for our baby. I think that day will be the biggest celebration ever! 

A New Beginning Adoption Agency only has open adoptions. If you don't know what open adoption is I will explain it... it is having communication with the birthparents after the baby is born. There are different levels of openness. The less open adoption is a letter twice a year that is sent to the adoption agency and the birthparents have the choice to pick the letter up. More open adoptions can include sending gifts, visits once or twice a year, to very open adoptions where they see the birthparents every week. Right now Ross and I are comfortable with sending letters the the agency twice a year. At the class there was a panel with adopted parents, birthmothers, and a 40 year old man who was adopted at birth. All really pushed for completely open adoption and having a great relationship with the birthparents. We did notice that all of the panel members (except the 40 year old man) had babies that were a year old or younger. It would be interesting to see how everything is years from now. One think that bothers me is the jealousy of the birth-moms. One of the birth-moms was having a hard time because the adoptive parents were in the process of adopting another child. She didn't want to lose her relationship with the adoptive parents. Another one said that she was happy that the adoptive parents are not adopting again and that her baby will be the only baby they have. That whole concept of jealous birthparents bothers us. Giving your baby up for adoption is one of the most selfless acts and I don't know how I would be able to thank someone for choosing Ross and me as parents for their baby's parents. We just don't want to try and please all of the birthparents. We want to comfort them, but most importantly be tentative, loving christian parents. 

When we get picked by birthparents we will discuss openness. We will keep our home and last name secret. We will meet in public. They say that when you open your home to the birthparents it is hard to close the door. Openness is something to think about, but we do not have to decide until the time comes. 

Often the adoptive parents are in the hospital at the time of birth, sometimes in the room.  That apparently can be a very stressful and hectic time. One thing the social workers said is good is when the birth-mother cry and break down. Apparently, we all want that to happen in the hospital. If it doesn't happen in the hospital then it will happen later and we do not want it to happen later. That is really good information to have, so we will be prepared and won't be freaking out if it happens in the hospital.

One thing they said is the hardest part of adoption is the wait. I think it is my faith or my ignorance because I am actually looking forward for the wait. At that point it is completely out of mine and Ross' hands. We have no control at that point. We get to look for scholarships and grants, enjoy our time together and sleep. It is all in God's hands. Who knows what might happen when I am actually in the waiting period. I might be one of those calling all the agency every time... who knows, but right now I am excited for that time. Maybe it is the calm before the storm. 

One more reason why I like A New Beginning... The "Infant Specialist Social Worker" quoted from one of my favorite book by my favorite author:

Excerpt from Oh, The Places You'll go! By Dr. Seuss

"The Waiting Place... for people just waiting. 

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for a Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting."

Of course this is just part of the book and it gets really happy and positive and is a great book. It is very uplifting and fun, but the comfort that I find doesn't come from Dr. Seuss it comes from Ross' and mine favorite book... The Bible.

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths."

Proverbs 3:5-6

All of our strength comes for our Lord and Savior! Praise God! 

Thanks for Reading!

Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork

So don't get me wrong... I am willing to answer question after question on the adoption forms and am super excited, but I think these questions are redundant! I answer the same question 10 times, but each time formulated a little different. We are educated people... do they think we won't answer the same on all? Another thing... Is raising an adopted child completely different than raising an other child? Ross and I have been getting a little frustrated by some of the questions they are asking. We feel that all children are children. Each child is an individual whether they are adopted or not. Some of the questions make us feel like they don't think that raising an adopted child is like raising any other child. Here are some of the questions:

1. What differences are you aware of in parenting an adopted child, and how will you address these issues?
2. Describe when and how you will discuss your child’s adoption with your adopted child.
3. Are you aware of the potential or the child to have feelings of loss regarding separation from birth parents, regardless of the child’s circumstance or age?
4. Adoption is a life-long developmental process and commitment.  Describe your feelings regarding this.- So... if you give birth to your child do you not have to make a life-long commitment to your child?
5. What is the importance of educating yourselves (and your children) on adoption issues, and how do you plan to continue education on these issues after placement?

These are definitely valuable questions, but maybe Ross and I are totally off. We will always tell our children that they are adopted. We will give them as much information about there birthparents that we have. We are going to love our child just like they came from us. They will be no different from any other child. 

Also, as we are filling out our paper work we got to thinking. Please say a prayer for us. We know that God will provide the funds need to adopt our child, but we are concerned that the agency might not accept our home study because of our finical report. Maybe we have nothing to worry about, but when you have to write out all of your bills, your taxes, your assets, your income, your life insurance information, your retirement policies, and all of your bank account information you become a little insecure. We have so much faith and know that our Heavenly Father is in charge. We just need to give it all to Him.  

Shoot... Ross just reminded me that we have to attach a resume to all of the forms. Ok... back to the forms. We hope to have all of our forms in by the end of the week. 

The Process... 

So, it has been awhile since I last updated the blog. Ross and I had our first home study meeting. Our case worker aka "adoption specialist" Christy Frans is really nice and is all business. We went through a ton of paperwork. The stack of papers that we signed and she talked about was at least an inch thick. We left the meeting understanding the adoption process better and prepared for the next step of the process. It was a little overwhelming, but nothing we couldn't handle.

I was super excited when I got home, so I logged on the A New Beginning website to look at the forms that we have to complete before our second home study visit. I quickly became overwhelmed. I had no idea how much is involved. Christy must have thought I was nuts when I was talking to her in our first visit because I was planning on having our forms turned back into her in a week. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from getting my measly little forms completed. After looking through the forms, my head hurt. There was so much on there that I never thought about. Questions about children with disabilities and what we are willing to adopt. Would you adopt a baby with club foot? A down syndrome baby? A drug baby? A pot smoking father? Tons of these questions. Ross and I quickly decided that we need to go through the forms together. I think that any couple should go through some of these questions before having children. You can never be too prepared.

Since it was the season of Lent and now the Easter season, Ross has been insanely busy. I have also been going crazy with youth events and who knows what else I do. We have not been able to sit and fill out the forms. We have done individual forms, but have not had time to sit and get everything together and finished. Awesome members of the church are letting Ross and I borrow their condo in Sun Valley for a couple of days. Most couples would go and sight see and other vacation activities. Ross and I are excited to be able to finally sit down and get our adoption forms complete. It gives us a time to relax and talk. Something that we have not been able to do for awhile. I know what you are thinking... "Just wait until you have kids... it is only going to get worse". I am sure you are right. Being at a bigger church has really kept us both busy. 

I am ready for our trip... ok, so I am not packed and have not made food to take with us, but I am mentally ready.

One side note- Ross and I have talked about things like... we want to make our own baby food and use non-disposible diapers. We understand that I will probably be the mean parent (I am just the mean one in general). We have also decided that we do not want to fill our house with a ton of baby things. We also do not want a baby shower until after the birth mom has signed away her rights, which is usually a week after the baby is born. We think it would be too hard on us if we have a full room prepared and the baby removed from our home. We might change our minds on this later, but for now this is how we feel. We can get a baby room together after the baby is born. A bassinet is a great place for a baby to sleep for awhile. Also, we will have visits from our "adoption specialist" after the baby is placed in our home until the adoption is finalized. We want to make sure our baby items are within the law. There was a huge change in the crib law last summer, so we need to make sure we meet the standards. One thing we have talked about getting and I went ahead and ordered from Totsy.com are non-disposible diapers. They come on Friday. I am so excited to get them. Diapers are something that every child needs. We felt that since we want to go the non-disposible route and they get really expensive when you first get them, that we can spread out the cost. We probably won't use them until we start getting solid poop. I just threw in that last sentence because I felt like it. :-)

Now I have written a ton and should probably be baking some muffins and packing for the trip. 

PS- if you think we are crazy for using non-disposible diapers then you probably have not seen the new non-disposible diapers. When Ross told me that our brother and sister-in-law were using them with their daughter, I thought they were insane. I was wrong. They are so much cooler now! I will have to post a picture when the arrive.

Have a WONDERFUL day!

Ross and I have been joyfully overwhelmed by the amount of support we have received. What a blessing to have so many family and friends keeping us in their prayers.

I went to A New Beginning (the name of the adoption agency) on Friday. I don't know why, but I think I was expecting a huge celebration when I handed our home study and Infant Training class payments. It wasn't a huge production. I guess it didn't start off too well though. As I was walking up the the door I tripped and had a dramatic fall. Dramatic in the way that it literally took 30 seconds for me to hit the ground. All I could think was "and I think these people are going to trust me with a baby?" So, I walked into the the office with my head held high, expecting some major celebration, praying that the elderly couple that drove into the parking lot as I was falling down didn't come in and ask me if I was alright, and hand the checks to the lady. She didn't even ask my name. So, I proudly told her who I was and what the checks were for our class and home study. I think she was a little shocked that we were already paying for the class because it is not until April 28.  She said thank you and the receipts will be mailed to us.

Even though there was not a big celebration at the agency, I had a huge smile on my face as I walked out the door. I am so thankful to my wonderful mom who opened our baby account and has helped make it possible for us to start the adoption process. (Mimi... when baby Shaver comes know that you help the journey begin- I think papa helped too).

One last thought for this post. Ross and I (more Ross- because he is VERY practical) have been really concerned about how we will find the money to adopt. We know that we have some money put away, but still short a considerable amount. We know that we could pay the preliminary costs, but when the baby comes a huge payment is to be made. We were worried that we would get to that point and not have the money. One very special person in our family comforted us by reminding us that we have an amazing family. She said... "Do you honestly think that anyone in this family will let you get that close to having a baby and not be able to adopt the baby because of money? I don't think so. Everyone will do all they can." Thanks Kim... I/ we needed to be reminded.

We know that God is watching over us... we can see it through all of you!

Thanks for reading!

Ok friends and family,

Today I am going to A New Beginning Adoption Agency to pay for our home study and our Infant training class. Ross and I are so blessed that we have a "baby" fund to use to begin the adoption process. Ross had a ton of grants and scholarships for college and so he is in charge of applying for adoption grants and scholarships. It makes sense to me! I will be doing most of the paperwork and the other little odds and ends. He is the money guy. We are so encouraged about our adoption journey. God is in total control and I we know that he has a baby for us... maybe babies (twins?).